While my recent visit to the TiFF Bell Lightbox exhibit: Designing 007 was a bit of a flop, the post exhibit drinks at Luma were not. The cocktail list pays homage to the spy who loved his vodka shaken, not stirred, with an array of aptly named drinks.

As you may have guessed, I tried them all.

In one sitting.

Then somehow found my way home.

Anyway, you’ll want to start with the Classic. Arguably, the simplest are the best. Vodka shaken with a splash of vermouth, very dry and served straight up — it really does set you in the right frame of mind for the rest of the night.

The next is the Vesper. This, as you may know from a previous post, is one of my favourite martinis. Gin, vodka and Lillet Blanc, served with a thin slice of lemon peel… this is the drink James Bond himself invented in a moment of pure need.

After that, I’m afraid, the quality diminishes. I’m not saying they’re not enjoyable, and people who enjoy fruity, more exotic styled cocktails may prefer them more than I. Each cocktail has it’s own diabolical flare. The Goldeneye (garnished with a miniature golden apple), the Moneypenny and the Q, to me, are primarily novelty drinks with fabulous names. James Bond, I should think, if forced to drink these concoctions, would spit them out defiantly and they still wouldn’t make him talk.

Finally, the list ends with a desert drink, named after James Bond personal secretary (yes, he had one — he was a bureaucrat after all), the Mary Goodnight. Sweet and creamy, actually, it’s not a bad way to end your dinner.

And as you finish the last sip and place your glass back on the table, simply say, “Good evening, Ms. Goodnight.”

That’s how I’ve been feeling of late, having participated in the current trend that’s all the rage… the bloody flu. With my chest full of green, slimy guck, and a cough that rattles my skull, my only refuge has been in dozy bliss of cold medication. I’ve been so full of drugs I barely noticed that I’ve not had a drink since New Year’s Eve.

A work colleague has taken pity on me, however, and has led me to a flu remedy that kills two birds with one stone. Given that most cough syrups are made up of citrus acid, alcohol, and corn syrup, why bother spending money on Robitussin when you’ve likely got the ingredients in your liquor cabinet.

If you feel you’re about to cough up a lung this flu season, reach for the bottle, and have a shot of this. In fact, take two, and call me in the morning.

Cough Syrup

* 1 ounce Lemoncella
* 1 ounce honey.

Build in a shot glass, stir, and take it back quick.

It’s sweet, but it works.

Anyway, as I reported on the impending robot uprising in my last post, I remembered this album I downloaded a few years ago by Harmonic 313. In the early days of Dubstep, they put out “When Machines Exceed Human Intelligence“, not only helping to pioneer a movement in electronic music, but a foreshadowing of the new war that is coming upon us.

If it doesn’t inspire you to throw your laptop out the window, take a hammer to your smartphone, and unplug all the machines in your house… it’ll at least send electricity into your brain.

Ah, see… now that’s how it starts. You’ll need your machine to even listen to this. And that’s our true weakness, isn’t it? In order to defeat the machines, we humans need to communicate. To do that… we need the damn machines.

We’re fucked.

Oh well. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I’m a pretty firm believer that a Robopocalypse (as described in the novel by Daniel H. Wilson) of sorts will come upon us. Machines are exceeding human intelligence, learning to think for themselves and eventually… oh yeah… they will turn. Battlestar Gallactica, Terminator, Blade Runner… they are all just prophecies of what will one day be a reality. Humankind is doomed.

But this book, sadly, falls short of making that seem like a terrifying prospect. The writing is juvenile, and the author’s use of prose is rudimentary at best. At no point do I actually feel there is a real threat, and so the characters lack meaning and substance. Further, unlike, say, World War Z (similarly structured book about a zombie apocalypse), the journalistically told tales do not ring true.

On the plus side, it reads rather effortlessly, and there are some good action sequences. There had to be something, I suppose, to entice Steven Spielberg to want to make a movie out of it.

While I can’t really recommend this book as a work of literature, perhaps it is worth a read. In fact, you may also want to familiarize yourself with another Daniel H. Wilson book, How to Survive a Robot Uprising. The more we know about how to deal with our new Robot overlords, the better equipped we’ll be to take them on. Because, face it, as it stands, we’re in for a shitload of trouble. Most of us freak out when our iPhones do something we don’t know about. How are we going to react when the voice from Siri starts to give us all instructions and directions to round us up for annihilation?

I can barely handle my playlist tracks playing out of sequence!

The order of the latter two are is interchangeable.

But just because my party is absolutely exclusive, it doesn’t mean that I’m not willing to share.

So, let’s at least ring in 2013 together, with a New Year’s Eve cocktail handcrafted at the Oriole Lounge.

The inspiration for this drink is that Grey Goose Cherry Noir is now, finally, available in Toronto. While the Grey Goose website offers plenty of wonderful recipes for their flavoured vodka, I thought I’d try to mix it up with some domestic love.

Call it a cherry twist on a classic.

Noir Royale

* 1/2 ounce Grey Goose Cherry Noir vodka
* splash lime juice
* splash Grenadine
* Sparkling white wine
* Rose wine

In a shaker, mix vodka, lime juice and Grenadine on ice. Strain into a Champagne glass. Top half with Rose, and half with sparkling white. Garnish with a cherry.

Happy New Year everyone! All the best in the New Year, and may 2013 be your best yet!

I feel for them, I really do.

But before you head out into this fray, you may want to enjoy an early New Year’s Eve party from the comfort of your home. I’ll be enjoying the count-down from London, England… where midnight will strike at 7pm Toronto time. That means from 4 to 7 you can enjoy a British New Year’s Eve with BBC Radio 6 Music! In this a special show, Groove Armada will bring some seasonal cheer to the 6 Mix. The dance duo take over the show, bringing in the New Year with some dancefloor favourites, new and old alike. You can tune in on-line, enjoy a drink or two, and then join the undead masses at the club!

Anyway, I do want to wish you a Happy New Year. To help you ring in 2013, I’ll be posting some cocktails later.

Enjoy.

Yes, it’s a not-very-well known fact that James Bond once paid a visit to the Queen’s City. It was in Ian Fleming’s The Spy Who Loved Me, and unlike the movie by the same name (which has no connection whatsoever to the book), the story is told from a woman’s point of view. A French Canadian named Vivienne Michel is held hostage in North Eastern USA when Bond, fresh off an operation in Toronto where he’d been in a violent shootout against SMERSH operatives in the Annex, happens to drop by.

Of course he saves her, loves her, and leaves her. In his ever so charming way.

Still, given the selfless service and sacrifice he’s paid to this city, saving us from a most heinous threat during the Cold War, couldn’t we have done something a little better?

The TiFF exhibit, Designing 007, 50 Years of Bond Style is a bit of a dud. Granted, it’s got all kinds of cool stuff — including a life-size reproduction of Jill Masterson’s gold-painted corpse on a revolving bed, Mr. Scaramonga’s golden gun, and a few other gadgets that we’ve grown to love. Also, since the focus of the exhibit is on design, it’s loaded with costumes and dresses, several storyboard drawings and set models. All fun stuff, absolutely. But the exhibit as a whole is static. It’s simply not engaging or interactive, but seems rather arbitrarily laid out. One doesn’t feel the excitement of adventure that one really should when encountering anything 007.

This is not my first Bond exhibit, so I know of what I speak. I experienced the Ian Fleming, James Bond exhibit at the War Museum in London. It actually had much of the same stuff, but the curation was far more interesting. It was cohesive and when you walked through it, you could actually follow a story line. After 50 years of Bond, hundreds of stories and 23 (official) movies, you’d think TiFF could have pulled something with a touch of creativity and adventure.

Should James Bond ever return to Toronto (or Station T-dot, as I think it should be called), he should probably skip this one. Head straight to the bar.

Granted, it’s not something I want too many people to know about, because I don’t want to be overrun with sorry assed tourists. We’ve got enough of those in the Beaches already, thank you very much.

But, it’s not like this blog is reaching the masses, so let’s just call it an exclusive invitation.

If you’re in or around Toronto, why not come down to the Beaches and visit the Glen Steward Ravine Trail. Ladytronium and I took a stroll last night, with freshly fallen snow, and it was perfect. Not another living soul on the path, except perhaps the ghosts of Christmases past.

The perfect time to head out is at twilight, so that when you get home in the early evening, you still have plenty of time for happy hour.

Honestly, the only reason I’m posting this is for the chance to show off the photos I took with my new camera.

Cheers.

Rather… it would appear that I exist. How can you be sure? Most of you have never met me, only correspond with me using digital means and social media, and have dubious evidence that I am nothing more than an imagined entity. For all you know, I could be a computer generated celebrity designed not only for your amusement, but your worship. And who’s to say that matters? Perhaps it’s even better. This way, I can be perfect.

I recently read William Gibson’s Idoru, and aside from the obvious commentary that many on-line critics have already offered (it’s already happening, it’s prophetic, visionary and far too real), I have to wonder if perhaps we should just embrace the prospect, rather than fearing its horror. We already create idols out of nothing, taking substance-lacking and talentless gits and turning them into coveted beauty-beasts. So, why not skip the step of having a human history, a childhood, or even the need for flesh and blood. In fact, why not start with the Facebook profile and work from there. Build in the tragic and troublesome childhood history, add a touch of failed romance, and throw in a talent of some sort, like a half-decent singing voice, and you’ll probably have more Twitter followers than Madonna.

Idoru’s ultra-charming heroine, Chia Pet, along with her soul-destroying obsession with the rock duo Lo/Rez, learns that idol worship, whether in human form or hologram, usually leads to disenchantment — and often to utter despair. Only after our idols fall can we really start paying attention to the real people around us. But what’s the point in that if those same people are obsessed with other fake and useless celebrities?

I’m depressing myself.

If you’re not yet convinced that you should worship me, it’s probably for the best. I’m extremely flawed and, face it, I don’t really care that much about you.

I will offer this, though. Should you pick up a copy of Idoru, you may want to pair it with the music of Jon Convex. His recent album, named Idoru, aptly accompanies the book and adds atmosphere to the digitally enhanced environment of the futuristic world. Check out the tracks Fade and, of course, Idoru.

In the end, I’ll be whatever you want me to be.

I know that this time of year can be overwhelming to some, especially if you’re already dealing with depression. It’s a serious illness and one that, in this special “time of cheer”, can feel unbearable and push you over the edge. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Now, I’m not suggesting that alcohol is the answer. It never is. If alcoholism is part of your problem, then… well… you probably should stop reading my blog.

However, if you’re just looking for something fun to toast in this Christmas Day, here’re a couple great cocktails!

It’s much better than putting your head in a gas oven.

Happy Christmas Everyone!

Christmas Cosmopolitan

* 1/2 ounce Cointreau
* 1 ounce Vodka
* 1 ounce Cranberry Juice
* 1 table spoon Lime Juice
* Frozen Cranberries

Fill a shaker halfway with ice. Add liquids and shake vigorously for 5 seconds. Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with 7 frozen cranberries. If you’ve got big berries… only use two. Otherwise you’ll feel like your drinking a glass of balls.

Christmas and Tonic

* 1 ounce Absolut Berry Acai Vodka
* 1 ounce cranberry juice
* Frozen Cranberries
* Tonic

Fill a highball glass with ice. Add vodka and cranberry juice. Sprinkle four or five frozen cranberries on the ice and fill glass with tonic.

God bless us, everyone.